Bullets from Paradise - October

October 3
Hi Nick, I've been thinking about you heaps lately. It's funny, so much time has gone by since we spent those memorable times together, so many things have changed in our lives and yet I still find myself thinking about you, sometimes even pining over you. I know perfectly well I shouldn't be telling you these things. I should be cool. I would like to continue sending you letters because whenever I hear a song that's really groovy it makes me want to dance to it imagining I’m with you. If I go out at night, drinking in clubs with my musician friends and poets, coming home at dawn, I sigh, thinking how much fun it would be to do these things and walk home at the end of the night with you! I'm such a hopeless fool.

If I'm writing all this it's because, I’d like you to know that I’m perfectly aware that, naturally, life has moved on for both of us since we last spent the night together and had breakfast and embraced and said goodbye at the airport. It would have been understandable to put it all behind us and think of it as a lovely interlude and nothing more. An Indian summer thing. Though, after all this time, in spite of everything that's happened in my life, your long silences, your doubts and putting your plans to come to Switzerland on hold, I have realised that you still have a special place in my heart, and yes, I still love you. I'm not that ashamed to admit it.

I know this is a tough question and, with all that's been happening in your family life, perhaps unfair of me to ask. But I need to know, once and for all, Nicholas: what do you feel now? Do you still care about me? Do you ever miss me and if you do, do you desire to see me again? I would enjoy life much, much more if I knew for certain that you were still in it. Knowing I could call you up, some times, and chat on the phone for a while and read your e-mails.

What are we going to do, Nick? I've told you my feelings, now it's up to you. Until now you've been quiet and non-committal. Just give me an answer, a sign: a yes or a no will do. I can dig it.

Shall we stay friends? I never thought it possible but we are getting close to the end of the year and, wow! I'm still looking forward to holding you. I don't want to be a fool, Nick, so please, you must decide and tell me.

October 10
Here I am. With my mobile phone and The Face’s October edition. I’m in black: a 3/4 length coat, new Doc’s, plastic Swatch in my pocket, new haircut and colour. Acid-house shades. Writing post cards on the train to work, in Milan, 70 clicks due south past the border. Travelling 1st class, baby, going to the showroom to inspect the new spring/summer collection 2000. Scored a job in high fashion, at Prada; it’s bigger than Armani, baby. Bigger than Versace, doll. Next I’ll be sent to Florence for two weeks, to check out the cashmere and leather laboratories. I’m positively fabulous!

October 16
Switzerland’s a bid subdued but still fun. I enjoy having my friends close by. We always go out and have stuff to do. Whether it’s hiking in the mountains or shopping in Milan, or going to concerts in Zurich, or just hanging out having dinner together or chatting on the phone. After several hectic months of change I’m slowly getting settled. I’ve even started potting plants and flowers out on the terrace and growing my own alfalfa sprouts!

October 18
Sharelle came to visit from London and brought in the cold. Winter came overnight, rain falling incessantly and clouds obliterating the opposite lake shore from view.

October 19
My new favourite colour is jade or serpentine. I have crystals in these colours that resemble your eyes. Grape. A jade tree on the windowsill in my studio captures the sunlight. A Japanese tea set. A pair of chopsticks and a silk coat. The ceramic bowl in which I keep my scented soap. And the metallic nail varnish that smells like chewing gum.

October 31
Hi Nick, sorry I’ve taken a while to reply to your latest e-mail however I just got back from Florence, which turned out to be the trip from hell, so it’s taken me a few days to recover!

A week has passed since you announced your decision to come over. This news is slowly sinking in and is making me anxious to finish decorating the flat. The place is still looking a bit dislocated due to several setbacks beyond my control. For starters, the trunks with all my clothing, linens, books and kitchen utensils still haven’t arrived. Secondly, as I don’t have a car, carrying things back home is a great effort; for larger items such as a mattress or a kitchen table, I rely on friends who are willing to drive me to the store and help me carry the furniture up the two flights of stairs. The past months have been tough. But I’ve come through and now I have a nice place to live in and a job that covers all the furniture I charged to my Visa!

You know, for a long while I’d pushed you out of my mind - I had so many problems! Besides, I got tired of feeling I’d made a mistake - getting on that plane. Then I dreamed about you, and the next thing I know, you’re telling me you’re going mad and that you have to get out of Melbourne! Weird, huh? Must be some kind of crazy end of Millennium thing making us all go a bit troppo. The funny thing is, though, that it’s like as if I knew it all along. Like you coming to Switzerland is right. Bravo!

Since the weather has been so magnificent, I took my digital camera for a walk yesterday and shot some pics that I am enclosing. This way you can have a sneak preview of what Lugano looks like. By the way, how come you decided February and not, say, January or March? Let me guess: it’s the earliest time in which you’ll have all your shit together and enough money for the trip?

Mid February is fun, we celebrate Mardi Gras. For centuries people have been getting into fancy dress and misbehaving badly in public places. Especially at night: hordes of people disguised by masks and costumes pour into streets and pubs causing an absolute racket. Anything goes, drunken behaviour, loud music, screaming, noise. General uncouth behaviour and various acts of debauchery are all part of the tradition. It’s as if the whole tidy and sensible Swiss population had gone mad!

Please let me know if you’d like some pointers about the journey here and stuff. It’s always handy having a local suss things out for you and make things easier. I do realise that half the fun and adventure of travel is the thrill of the unexpected! Still, a couple of hints may not go astray - just tell me what you wanna know. Okay, speak to you soon. Tomorrow is Melbourne Cup Day. Are you taking the day off? And did you know that we both changed daylight saving this weekend? Ours finished whereas yours just started. So now I think there are 10 hours difference between us.

PS: I’m really looking forward to your visit. I’ve actually started a list of things to see and do when you get here. You’ll have nothing to worry about, you’ll be in expert hands!