The Wedding Story

A practical solution

We’d gone form a whirlwind romance that lasted two weeks — it started at my going away party and ended a sunny morning at Tullamarine airport — to a six-month separation period. This was followed by a live-in situation at my flat in Switzerland. During the first year, we were together day and night. At the beginning, my lover didn’t have any friends of his own, and as he didn’t speak the language, I spent all my spare time with him.

We’d been through many changes and our relationship had evolved with us. While I pursued my career, he looked after the home. Soon he learned the difference between a cucumber and a zucchini, how long to cook soft and hard-boiled eggs, and not to wash woollen jumpers at 60 degrees in the washing machine. Whenever we discussed the future, I said I couldn’t go back to Melbourne. “I have a career now and I’m paying off the furniture... I’ll go back with you, but now is impossible.”

Our first year together was drawing to a close. If we were to stay together, there was only one option. Marriage was the solution to a problem imposed upon our romance by the laws of visas, immigration and work permits. In spite of our harmonious domestic existence, it wasn’t an easy decision. My biggest concern was our age difference. His biggest concern was telling his parents.

You think marriage is just a piece of paper, like getting a driver’s license, but it isn’t. It involves a lot of soul-searching. On top of everything else, everyone you know has an opinion about it. All of a sudden, you realize just how cynical people become whenever you say the word. Including yourself. I’d said, “Sure I’ll marry you so you can get the permit. No problem.” He remained hesitant. This puzzled me. I asked a friend of mine, a catholic priest, what greater proof of my commitment was required? My friend shook his head: hadn’t it occurred to me that what I needed to say was that I’ll marry for LOVE: because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man? “Oh, I hadn’t thought of it like that...”

Indeed marriage is something intimate and mysterious between two people. You have to be careful or you’ll fall into the trap of justifying yourself to everybody. Ultimately, when you’re in love, that’s nobody’s business but your own — and if people can’t be happy for you, that’s their problem.